I’m scared

My wonderful grief therapist recommended I start a blog which is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time but I was scared to actually take the step and start one.

Last night, my 18 year old son, Michael  was chewing on a water bottle cap and accidentally swallowed it. Today he informed me while he was at school that this transpired and he was having some stomach discomfort. This is the same child who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when he was 14.

We decided to go to the ER just to check him out and it’s a very familiar drive that we have taken over & over for the past 3 and a half years.  I was reminiscing about us driving on this route to the ER in the middle of the night because of horrible side effects from the chemo such as fevers, mouth soars & migraines. Now we are on our way because he swallowed a bottle cap!!

It’s crazy how life changes in an instant but never stops moving…no matter what we are dealing with!  I was thinking how that seemed like another lifetime ago and how much has changed in our lives these past few years.  At that time I thought life couldn’t get any worse but I had no idea what was to come.

Eight months ago my 20 year old son, Andrew died instantly in a car accident.  I’m still alive and surviving day by day! I have tried my best to allow myself to feel the pain while grieving the tremendous loss of my child, but also continue to live a life worth something!

So as we pulled into the parking lot of the ER I thought….I need to do this! I need to overcome my fear and take the steps and make my blog and write my first post while we sit in this room and wait. Well, I’m sitting and Michael is fast asleep. It is now 3:30 am and I’m making the most of this time by writing this. Maybe that’s why this happened tonight…..to give me the courage to begin this blog.   Anyway, here it goes, I finally did it!!

They are sending us home and hopefully the cap will pass on it’s own but if it doesn’t in the next few days he will be getting an endoscopy to check it out, but I’m hopeful that won’t happen.

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My name is Melissa Shelly and I am a 46 year old mom who lives in Newtown Square, PA. I never thought of myself as mighty but when my 14 year old son, Michael was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on August 18, 2014, everyone kept telling me how strong I was. Three years later on August 12, 2017, my 20 year old son, Andrew died instantly in a car accident. Again, people kept saying I was so strong and I actually hated when people would say that to me! I have heard 100 times “I could never do what you’re doing....if my child died I wouldn’t be able to function!”. That’s what I thought about myself until it was me! I didn’t ask to be handed these tragedies & painful traumatic events and I never felt I had a choice....I had to be a mighty leader!! I am a mother of three children and a wife to a wonderful man. We needed to survive and keep hope alive in our hearts! I wish I never had to be strong....but unfortunately we don’t control many things in our lives; however, we can control how we deal with them. It isn’t easy and I have some really bad days but I continue to work on healing and living my life with meaning and purpose. I want to share my pain and my successes with anyone who wants to walk beside me!

23 thoughts on “I’m scared”

  1. I absolutely love your bio! I hated being called strong too. I like Mighty Melissa! No, you weren’t given a choice in your circumstances but what you’ve chosen to do with your healing by sharing your perspective is one of the bravest and powerful gifts there is. There is no handbook, as you know, but stories of people who are making it through the pain can carry those who feel like they can’t possibly go on. Your words are so genuine and often bring me to places that I revisit and relive and at this point in my journey, that is such a gift. So thank you for sharing and truly helping more people than you know with your words of wisdom. That’s exactly what you have, wisdom. 😘😘😘😘


  2. Mighty Melissa!!! It is about time. I look forward to your blogs. You are an inspiration to all who know you. I pray the bottle cap comes out for Michael in the easiest way possible! God bless you all.


  3. Melissa you are beautiful and strong and mighty! Your blog will be an inspiration to all and help you heal and survive. I admire your courage!


  4. Melissa, I used to sit back and watch your family and those around you while Michael was going through his ordeal. I watched how the community came together and rallied around all of you. And then I watched how the community began to be knit together, friendships forged and healing happening, not just within your family but within others. I’m so glad you are starting the blog, I can’t wait to see where it takes you!


  5. MightyMelissa- what a perfect name! You are mighty and amazing. I love the idea of a blog. You inspire so many people with your love, strength, compass and courage. Keep being strong and amazing! I knew how special you were from the first day we met at Headstrong.

    Monica Fickenscher❤️


  6. Melissa I am so proud of you for taking this step! Your willingness to be transparent and put yourself out there is very inspiring and will hopefully challenge others to be open, honest and not take life for granted. ❤️❤️❤️


  7. You are such an eloquent writer (and speaker). You have handled everything that has been hurled at you with such grace. You are truly and inspiration. I hope this blog brings you some healing. Love you! Dennise

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What mom wouldn’t be scared! Our kids turn our hair grey and your son Michael you want to protect, of course.

    When our Katie was only 2 1/2 I ventured out to take a piano lesson, my first. I had my infant son with me, too. Katie wondered off and ate some of the teacher’s prenatal supplements, opening her mouth to show me them.

    Off to the ER we went where they made her throw up. She had never done that before. Then we watched her all night long. OMG, I felt hysterical then exhausted.


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